Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.

After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girls night have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties!!"

"That's nothing," said the other husband. "Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said...

'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you.' ''

Wedding Rehearsal

During a lull in the rehearsal the groom and best man, two long time friends and playboys, began to compare conquests. The groom, looking out over the crowd, said to his best man, "You know Bill, except for my wife to be, my two sisters and my mother, I've made love to every woman in this room." To which his friend responded, "Well then, between the two of us we've had them all!"

My next life

In this life, I'm a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that. Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too. When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that. If you're mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that. If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. Yup, gonna be a bear!

Plans for the evening

The pair had just met at the carnival. In a casual sort of way, the fellow asked the girl what plans she had for the rest of the evening. "Well," she replied candidly, "I'm going to find a handsome guy and invite him up to my apartment." "Yes" "I'll make him nice and comfortable, then mix him a drink." "Uh huh" "Then I'll turn the lights down low, shut the blinds and lock the front door." "Go on." "And then, when the right moment comes I'll let him take me in his arms and make passionate love to me. Well, What do you think of the idea?" Smiled the fellow, "It sounds like a great idea......... if you ask me."

Not as good

George was trying to convince his buddy Rick that the new hooker in town was better than any of her predecessors. "I tell you, Rick, this girl is as good as my own wife." "That so?" Rick asked. "All right. Let's
go over there." So they went to see the Jenny-come-lately, and Rick paid her for a visit. On the way out Rick was asked for his opinion. "Well," he said, "she's good, all right, but not as good as your wife."

The Third Time

A policeman sends his wife and kid to a resort for a vacation. After a week he joined them in the hotel. As soon as he came to the hotel room he wanted to make love to his wife and gave her "the look." Whispering under her breath, the wife says "No darling, we can't do it here, our kid is watching!" Husband replies, "You're right, let's go to the beach." After a while they make their way to the beach and they start
to make love. All of a sudden, a policeman walks up to them. "Put your clothes on immediately, shame on you, you can't do that in public!" Embarrassed, the husband admits "You are right, but I had a moment of
weakness. We hadn't seen each other for an entire week. Now, I'm a policeman too, and it would be very embarrassing if you fine me." The cop thought for a second and said "Don't worry... you are a colleague
and it is your first time. But this is the third time I caught this bitch fucking on this beach in the last week and she will have to pay."

Ultimate Jokes

- Excess pills (A)
- Martin Sex (A)
- During Sex (A)
- Viagra Sex (A)
- Promote Safe Sex (A)
- Better Than Sex (A)