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| Submitted By Users |
| Extreme Funny |
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lawyer's Jokes |
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A lawyer's wife dies. At the cemetery, people are appalled to see that the tombstone reads, "Here lies Phyliis, wife of Murray, L.L.D., Wills, Divorce, Malpractice."
Suddenly, Murray bursts into tears. His brother says, "You should cry, pulling a stunt like this!"
Through his tears, Murray croaks, "You don't understand! They left out the phone number!"
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| Sender:- Priya |
Two lawyers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, the others line the customers up, including the two lawyers, against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc.
While this is going on, the first lawyer jams something in the second lawyers hand. Without looking down, the second lawyer whispers, "What is this?" to which the first lawyer replies, "It's that $50 I owe you. |
| Sender:- Priya |
A lawyer drags in from a day on the golf course looking wasted.
His wife asks, ?What?s the matter??
?My partner, Henry, dropped dead on the fifth green,? the lawyer replied.
?That?s terrible,? said his wife.
?You?d better believe it,? the lawyer said. ?After that it was nothing but hit the ball and drag Henry. Hit the ball and drag Henry....?
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| Sender:- Priya |
Safe Driving!
A guy was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a Safe Driver Award. Congratulations, what do you think you're going to do with the prize money?"
He thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."
The lady sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him, he's a smartass when he's drunk and stoned."
The guy from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?" |
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No Need To Pay
The bartender asks the guy sitting at the bar, 'What'll you have?'
The guy answers, 'A scotch, please.'
The bartender hands him the drink, and says 'That'll be five dollars,' to which the guy replies, 'What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this.'
A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the bartender, 'You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration.'
The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, 'Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again.' The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Bartender says, 'What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!' The guy says, 'What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!' The bartender replies, 'I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double.' To which the guy replies, 'Thank you. Make it a scotch.' |
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Generous Lawyer
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again. "or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!" The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..." On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?" |
| Sender:- |
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